My mistakes have led me here
When it comes to advice, tips, and tricks, I have an abundance for my clients. Sure, I’ve gained a lot of information from textbooks, coursework, and conferences, but so much of what I know and teach stems from personal experience. Unfortunately, the experiences that have taught me the most are ones that have ended poorly. Ones that have left me overworked and unhealthy.
I Restricted My Food
One of my biggest nutrition philosophies when working with clients is that we do not restrict food groups. Of course, clients with Celiac will continue to avoid gluten, lactose intolerant clients will continue avoiding dairy, and vegetarian clients will not be expected to eat meat. However, as far as food groups go – grains, proteins, oils, fruits and veggies – complete restriction is not sustainable.
As early in my childhood as I can remember, I had a food pyramid hanging on my parent’s refrigerator. Every time I ate, I would tally off which food group my meal/snack belonged in and how many servings I had left for the day. My family, myself included, saw this behavior as health-conscious and nothing more.
At some point, my healthy habits turned restrictive. I refused to eat anything considered ‘junk’ food. I would hoard candy from Halloween but never actually eat it. I would pass up dessert because it wasn’t ‘healthy.’ I convinced myself that eating like this would prove everyone who said I wouldn’t ‘always be skinny’ wrong.
Rather than ‘just being a kid,’ I turned to complete restriction. The few times I broke ‘my rules,’ I was filled with immense guilt. While avoiding candy and junk food can be healthy habits to adopt, I had taken it to the next level. I became obsessed.
I Worked Too Hard
There’s working overtime and there’s overworking. Staying after practice to perfect your shot or arriving early at a competition to set up drills for your team – that’s working overtime. Exercising so frequently and intensely that your body starts to shut down? Having flu-like symptoms for months at a time because you refuse to take a break? That’s overworking.
Don’t get me wrong, everyone needs discipline to reach their goals and there is nothing wrong with pushing yourself. There is, however, so much wrong with pushing yourself too far. The ‘hard work’ I believed would take me to the next level ended up causing more injury than I could’ve imagined. Sprained ankles, broken bones, torn shoulders, and countless stress fractures later, I still hadn’t learned my lesson. Rather than letting my body heal, I pushed through the pain. What I thought was ‘building my character’ was actually destroying my body.
I Didn't Work Hard Enough
My ‘push through it’ mentality followed me into college. I chalked up my injuries to aches and pains and it was working. Until it wasn’t. Until the big injury ensued. One day at track practice, I pitched a new triple-jump drill to my coach. He loved the sound of it and we agreed I would go first as a demonstration. Thirty seconds later, I was on my hands and knees and I couldn’t move my legs. Later that night in the ER, I was told my hip labrum was torn and my sacrum cracked. The severity of my injury was enough to subject me to crutches for nine months.
I had never reached such a low point. I felt everything I had worked for and everything that I was had been ripped away from me. Rather than helping myself, I took pity on myself. There wasn’t much I could do in terms of training, but I completely let my nutrition fall by the wayside. I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I was putting on weight as my muscles were atrophying and I convinced myself I didn’t care. I alternated between weeks of hardly sleeping at all and weeks of barely getting out of bed. My recovery would’ve been long regardless, but I certainly wasn’t doing anything to help speed up the process.
I Didn't Love Myself
Most days, I didn’t even like myself. At the risk of sounding cliché, it is so important to love yourself. This part hasn’t come easy to me. Regardless of the hours I put in at the gym and the foods I used to fuel my body, I was never happy with the results. Time after time, I chose to compare myself to others rather than look at my own progress. I spent too much time chasing goals that weren’t mine.
I’m proud to say that I’ve finally found the balance between rest and exercise. It’s not always easy and sometimes I slip up, but I am able to quickly pull myself out of it. I can eat a well-rounded diet and not feel bad about cutting myself some slack. Although self-love came into the picture a bit late, I can confidently say that I am worlds better than I once was. I still have work to do, but progress is all I can ask for.
My Mistakes Have Helped Me...A Lot.
Rather than dwelling on my shortcomings, I recently pushed myself to find the good in my mistakes. Sure, none of them were healthy at the time, but they have each taught something valuable. My bouts of food restriction have made me realize that part of a balanced diet is enjoying my life. Eating ice cream once in a while or popping a chocolate to keep my sanity is not going to ruin my progress. I have learned that, while exercise increases muscle mass, too much can have the opposite effect; I’ve come to learn the difference between hard work and overtraining.
Recently I found out, amongst other things, I have degenerative disc disease. This was a hard pill to swallow, and some days I still don’t want to believe it. Former me would’ve gone off the deep end. But, I’ve learned from her. Rather than letting this news ruin me, I am taking all the steps I can for my health. I am being smart with my training and practicing a healthy diet. While I can’t change the results of my MRI, and believe me, I wish I could, I can choose how to respond to the news. With the unending support of friends and family, I choose me. I choose my health.
Take Away
Admitting your mistakes is never easy, especially when done publicly. Writing this blog was difficult, and posting it was even more of a challenge. However, I can say that I have learned more about myself in the last 24 hours than ever before. Because of this, I encourage you to admit to your mistakes. It doesn’t need to be public or even said out loud. But, I promise, if you take some time to reflect on your past mistakes, you’ll learn a bit about yourself too.